Birth Story

Happy Down Syndrome Awareness Month!! I had the honor of sitting down with a good friend and telling her about Jenessa's birth story!! As a mom of a child with down syndrome, I just love being asked if I knew Jenessa had Down Syndrome (DS) before being born. I love it because I get to tell them, NO!! And then see or experience their reaction. This may sound awful, but it isn't because before having Jenessa, I would have been curious!! I would have been curious as to what you do when you find out your brand new baby has a "birth defect" on that can't be fixed or taken away. What do you do when you find that out!! When do you find that out?? Do you know when you see your child in your hands, or does the doctor tell you?? What is the process!! And I love being asked because all of us moms have a different story!! Some did know ahead and I have met one mom who didn't know for a year!! We all have our story!! Please ask if you ever want to know. We are truly happy to share (well most... :) )

Anyway, so my good friend who was dying my hair blue for Jenessa's Buddy Walk asked me the infamous question of if I knew ahead of time. When I told her know she asked all the amazing questions that show me someone truly wants to know our birth story! Here it is:

I was a week early, but ended up at the hospital at midnight that Tuesday morning. Some pretty hard contractions brought us in and when the nurse told me I was only at 3, I almost hit her!! LOL... So skip to the dramatic part... Doc comes in to check me at around 6:45am... he tries to get that stupid heart rate thing on her head... twice!!! (If you don't know what I am talking about, google it! You will understand my dislike of it) Much to our unknowing Jenessa had a LOT of hair and it wouldn't hold. So, he has to monitor her heart rate with my belly monitor. And Jenessa's heart rate suddenly dropped significantly! Like from 130 down to 93. Very scary as doctors and nurses all of a sudden are next to pushing your husband over so they can talk to you about an emergency C-section... And of course, my nurse did not make me sign that waiver because she was awesome and knew our birth plan was no epidural. I did not want a needle in me!! She had given me some IB profren so I could get some rest, but nothing more and that was due to the severe back contractions.  So with all these doctors and nurses surrounding me, I get to sign a waiver saying I understand what a c-section is and then they whisk me away from my husband and into the OR. They then tell me they have to give me an epidural... while I am having horribly strong contractions. They don't have any time between contractions, so I am told to just hold my baby and don't move! Oh ok, that is easy! ;)

They get that done and then I lay down and they get everything ready and someone hollers about daddy not being there... Docs don't care they start cutting and no the meds had not kicked in yet! LOL  I let them know, they stopped for a second and then started again. Enough time for Josh to be able to come to my side. They get her out and she cries and they take her over and give her oxygen... I have pictures of this and do not remember it. To be honest, I don't remember much from the OR, except Josh bringing our brand new little girl over and showing her to me and me going, "OK." And then going back to hoping they would get me sown up soon. LOL I was a little doped up by then. Doc's comment was it doesn't take as long to make the mess, as it does to clean the mess up! He is a funny man!!

I then get rolled back into my room and am ready to meet my little girl! Josh hands her over and I look into those beautiful blue eyes and freeze with fear!! I see it... I see something that isn't right in what is supposed to be my perfect blue eyed beauty!! So I close my eyes and look again and don't see it the second time. I calm down and think it is all in my head. I let her lay on my chest and just bond with her. I have waited so long to meet her and finally she is there. Brown hair, not blond, but I guess that is ok. :) She was my baby girl!!

Josh headed home and they took Jenessa to do some blood work and basically let me sleep. I dozed in and out of sleep, but I came too and Josh wasn't back yet, but Jenessa's doctor was in the room and he didn't look happy. Not that I would know if this was normal due to this being my first time meeting him. We were a little behind on the finding her a doctor thing before she was born!! So, he introduces himself and tells me, (with no Josh in the room) that they have noticed some signs that may indicate down syndrome and are sending her blood out for tests. I look at him, as calm as can be and say, "I wondered" Wow!! Where did that come from! He excuses himself and I grabbed my phone and called my mom!!! I was calm until I had to tell her... I tell her a loose it! I cried and sob, "Mom I never thought God would think I could handle a child with a disability!" See, when I was growing up, we had two ladies in my church who had down syndrome and then my cousin has CP (Cerebral Palsy) and it was a common conversation for my mom and I to have that, "Mom what if I have a child with a disability? Will I be able to handle it?" And my mom always comforted me and stated the same thing every time, "Honey God only gives us what he knows we can handle" And on this very fateful day, I didn't want God to think I could handle a child with Down Syndrome! I wanted a typical child! The one that I was supposed to get!! That I had been planning on for 9 very long months!! And my mom, being the wise and very supportive mom she is stated, "Honey, he doesn't make mistakes. It will be ok." As she talked through tears, I just wanted to get off the phone. I wanted my husband. He was my next call. I let him know he needed to get back to the hospital. I am not sure if I told him on the phone or not.

I know that day there were a lot of tears, but I am going to be honest, I don't remember much about it. I remember I called my school and let them know that she had arrived and that she had Down Syndrome. I think I called my sister as well. But mainly I clung to Jenessa. We found out she had some jaundice and had to be under the lights and I am going to be honest, I am not sure how she every over came that because any time I could I was holding on to her!! She was my savior that day!! She pulled me through!! I also have an amazing husband that held me up and helped me through as well.

We officially found out the next day, via her FISH test that she did have Down Syndrome. The most common form of Down Syndrome and no it is not an inherited thing. We got a great education and talked with a very nice Geneticist, whom if we realized how much we were being charged for her to be there would have asked WAY more questions!! :)  After she left, I turned to Josh and I said, "What does this all mean for us?" And my wonderful, supportive and amazing husband stated, "This means we get to have our daughter at home with us longer than most parents!" And that was the best thing he could have said!! It was just what I needed to hear! I had been hearing all these things about delays and slow cognitive development and on and on and on... And here he comes with we get to keep her longer!! Such an amazing response!

Josh and I continued that day to hold each other up and we were so grateful to those who came and visited and gave us a distraction from the diagnosis! We had great family and friends who wanted to come and help us celebrate the birth of our beautiful child and I always tried to keep that in mind.

I was so excited when 2 days after Jenessa's birth, we were allowed to go home! We got to go home and be a family... not the easiest of transitions, but we did it! And all I wanted to do again was hold my little girl!! :)

Oh yeah and on a side note... I found out years later that after making that call to my mom, my mom called my sister and told her about our conversation and my mom told my sister, "I didn't think God would think she could handle it either!" LOL I love the true honesty of my family! We all know that I am not perfect, but God gave me the best gift ever and he knew that I couldn't necessarily handle it, but that I needed her!! The day Jenessa was born was the day that truly made me into a much MUCH better person!!

Open Forum letter to the lady or gentleman who decided to judge others

Dear Sirs or Madam,

This is that mom that you saw at the store... ya know, the one that screamed at her oldest because she put yet another thing in her mouth... What you don't know is that said child had already been asked about 20 other times before this trip and then another 5 during this trip to not put things in her mouth. Oh yes, I am sure you as a parent would never let you child do that... let me give you a little back ground, said child has an oral fixation... meaning we and our family have spent way too much money on teething necklaces that have been lost by said child. Oh and then you see her start to cry, and her little sister console her. And mom then has to ask if she has to go potty because, even though she is potty trained she will have an accident if she gets too upset and mom forgot clothes on this trip, so she is begging said child to just tell her if she has to potty as she is loosing her mind with tears. Please judge away! :) 

Yes, we parents see you and I have to admit I have even been you. Judging those OTHER parents that are doing things you would NEVER do!! Such as, I would NEVER let my child watch a tablet when we went out to eat. Oh wow, I cannot even believe those parents are letting their child do that and not teaching them how to eat in public appropriately! YUP said those exact words... Now, I don't even go out to eat because I know if we go someplace too loud my daughter will end up loosing her mind or getting very anxious and we will have to leave because she will want to constantly get out of her seat... Yup, I am now a parent that if we go out to eat and my daughter gets anxious I will whip out my phone with whatever pre-loaded show that I know will calm her. 

Here is my lesson that I think all judge mcjudgy pants need to learn. You do not know what situation that person is in. Maybe the mom that is letting their child yell at the top of their lungs in the middle of No Frills, has not been able to get her child to make any noise, let alone talk and now she is just enjoying the sound of her beautiful baby's voice! Or that mom who totally loses her temper and yells at her kids for fighting over a toy, as she is getting her groceries in walmart, is only here because she had to get out of the house after taking care of her kiddos all week without her husband who has been gone for over two weeks and she had to get groceries. Now she just wants to be done and back home so they will no longer have to be in each other's space. 

As, my husband and I have learned there are never clear right answers when raising kids or in life in general and one that I do know is clear is that those who judge, have no concept of what they are judging. Sure you may have raised three kids of your own or you may have lost a lot of weight and are no longer over weight and now you feel obligated to judge those who have not done what you did or who are going through what you have been through. Please think twice. We all have our own battles and are doing the best we can. Maybe it isn't how you would do it, but that is ok. 

Thank you,

That parent who feels like some days she isn't going to make it or is a horrible parent! 

My Baby Girl is 5!!!!!!!

So, it happened... our beautiful little girl turned 5 today!! It was so funny this morning as I watched the clock tick by as we were getting ready for work, I saw it hit 7 and thought oh this is when the doctor was checking me, then 7:10 and thought, this is when they were trying to get me to sign paper work saying I understood what a c-section was because, well HELLO we were heading there due to our sweet girl's heart rate dropping too fast and too much. Then I saw it hit 7:34 and wanted to cry a little!! This was the time that I became a mama for the first time ever! Of course I was so doped up on drugs that I don't remember much of it, but I do remember the first time I saw her and all I wanted at that time.... was to get sewn up so I could sit up and hold her!!! They then whisked her and my hubby away and I got to see them once I got back to my room! Thank goodness for pictures or I would not have a clue what went on in that O.R.!!!
It is a strange feeling realizing that at one time you didn't have the things that make you so completely happy!! And trust me, I CAN imagine my life without them, but I wouldn't give them up for it!!
So we celebrated Jenessa's birthday on Saturday with close family and Jenessa's friends! Jenessa got to go bowling for the first time!! And she LOVED it!!!

She wasn't so keen on the whole letting all of her friends bowl before she got to go again, but she got used to it!

The best part of Saturday wasn't necessarily the bowling or the cake or the presents!! The best part was seeing Jenessa with her friends!!

I know it is every parent's fear that their child will not be able to make friends, but add a disability in there and it becomes a nightmare!! (Will she ever make friends and will those kids be friends with her because of her or because they feel sorry for her. Will she remain her friends as she gets older. What is they secretly are picking on her and we don't know. ) Ok those are just a few and I am sure my mom friends can add a hundred more!!

To see all of her friends and see how they interact with her and love her, I was just too happy and overjoyed!! As an example, Jenessa has a friend from school who is also in her dance class that she is taking, we will call her P. Well P was there on Saturday and you could just see the love between the two as friends!! If P would fall, Jenessa was there to help her up and if Jenessa was upset P was there to cheer her up!! I was just so happy to see such a strong bond!!

So, I am still a little overwhelmed with the fact that Jenessa is 5 and we have been doing this crazy thing called parenthood for that long!! But I know without her and her sister I wouldn't be nearly as happy and fulfilled as I am. (not saying that everyone should have kids to feel this, just saying that I have always wanted this and I am so grateful to be experiencing it!! )

By The Way... Thank you to all of our family and friends that came to Jenessa's party!! We had such a good time and I KNOW that Jenessa enjoyed it!! She was so excited she was giving hugs like they were candy!!! So thank you so much for making my little girl's day a little more exciting because you and your family were there!! Love you all!!

Reflections

Ok, the girls have this princess sing along video that has the Mulan "Reflections" song in it!! Which goes, "Who is that girl I see staring straight back at me?" It goes on too, but I love that song!! It asks a great question!! I hope for my girls' sake that they are not like their mommy in the area of knowing who they are! I still don't truly know who I am!! I know I am the luckiest girl in the world because I have two of the most amazing little girls and a wonderfully supportive husband! But I look back over the last two years and being a financial advisor, (which by the way is a far cry from a teacher) and love the roller coaster ride I was on!! I also loved all the people I met through it!! But I know that it was not the best path for my family!! But then neither was being a teacher!  I wanted something that allowed me to be with my girls completely!! Though I had always wanted a job that I could reach people and make a difference I just knew in my heart of hearts that I wasn't going to be able to to be the mommy I wanted while working those jobs! which I had wanted to be from 2nd grade through my freshman year of high school!! What I have realized is that I can change the world, for two beautiful little girls!! And I can help teach these two beautiful girls how to change the world!!
Our world from the past two years, is finally slowing down. I have taken a job as an office assistant to give my family a constant paycheck. My youngest daughter has become my biggest fan and will call out the BS!! One day I put my coat on and she looked me square in the eyes and said, "Mommy going to work?" In the most accusatory tone!! Wow!! Thankfully I was just going to get the mail, but wow! She was going to make sure I spend the appropriate amount of time with her!! I have learned from those jobs of not being home at night what is really important!! I learned that my girls are the most important things to me and I just want to be able to give them what they need! I want to be able to let them have dance classes or for Jenessa to participate in Hippo-Therapy or whatever else she needs! Or just to be able to be a mommy on the weekends and spend quality time with them and not have to worry about work!
Ya know, I have always known from a young age that I wanted to be a mommy and I love being a mommy! And maybe that is truly who I am! Maybe when God blessed my parents with a third, unexpected, unplanned for child he knew that I was going to be the mommy to two beautiful girls and that I was going to make a difference in this world because I helped to make them strong independent women!! Or they could be the death of me and run my exhausted so I learn to appreciate sleep! I am not sure, but what I do know is that they are both stubborn, manipulative, sneaky, curious and intelligent little girls! I do mean all of those traits with a positive connotation! And that to me means that even though the odds are against J ever moving out or going to college, she will!! And that even though C is the spitting image of me in most all respects, she could still become a world famous singer, lawyer (which she would be great at based on her argumentative skills already!) doctor, teacher or a mom! And they will both do it all with great independence and self perseverance!!
I am so glad to be the mommy of two amazing girls! Glad to have found who I truly am!!