Anyway, so my good friend who was dying my hair blue for Jenessa's Buddy Walk asked me the infamous question of if I knew ahead of time. When I told her know she asked all the amazing questions that show me someone truly wants to know our birth story! Here it is:
I was a week early, but ended up at the hospital at midnight that Tuesday morning. Some pretty hard contractions brought us in and when the nurse told me I was only at 3, I almost hit her!! LOL... So skip to the dramatic part... Doc comes in to check me at around 6:45am... he tries to get that stupid heart rate thing on her head... twice!!! (If you don't know what I am talking about, google it! You will understand my dislike of it) Much to our unknowing Jenessa had a LOT of hair and it wouldn't hold. So, he has to monitor her heart rate with my belly monitor. And Jenessa's heart rate suddenly dropped significantly! Like from 130 down to 93. Very scary as doctors and nurses all of a sudden are next to pushing your husband over so they can talk to you about an emergency C-section... And of course, my nurse did not make me sign that waiver because she was awesome and knew our birth plan was no epidural. I did not want a needle in me!! She had given me some IB profren so I could get some rest, but nothing more and that was due to the severe back contractions. So with all these doctors and nurses surrounding me, I get to sign a waiver saying I understand what a c-section is and then they whisk me away from my husband and into the OR. They then tell me they have to give me an epidural... while I am having horribly strong contractions. They don't have any time between contractions, so I am told to just hold my baby and don't move! Oh ok, that is easy! ;)
They get that done and then I lay down and they get everything ready and someone hollers about daddy not being there... Docs don't care they start cutting and no the meds had not kicked in yet! LOL I let them know, they stopped for a second and then started again. Enough time for Josh to be able to come to my side. They get her out and she cries and they take her over and give her oxygen... I have pictures of this and do not remember it. To be honest, I don't remember much from the OR, except Josh bringing our brand new little girl over and showing her to me and me going, "OK." And then going back to hoping they would get me sown up soon. LOL I was a little doped up by then. Doc's comment was it doesn't take as long to make the mess, as it does to clean the mess up! He is a funny man!!
I then get rolled back into my room and am ready to meet my little girl! Josh hands her over and I look into those beautiful blue eyes and freeze with fear!! I see it... I see something that isn't right in what is supposed to be my perfect blue eyed beauty!! So I close my eyes and look again and don't see it the second time. I calm down and think it is all in my head. I let her lay on my chest and just bond with her. I have waited so long to meet her and finally she is there. Brown hair, not blond, but I guess that is ok. :) She was my baby girl!!
Josh headed home and they took Jenessa to do some blood work and basically let me sleep. I dozed in and out of sleep, but I came too and Josh wasn't back yet, but Jenessa's doctor was in the room and he didn't look happy. Not that I would know if this was normal due to this being my first time meeting him. We were a little behind on the finding her a doctor thing before she was born!! So, he introduces himself and tells me, (with no Josh in the room) that they have noticed some signs that may indicate down syndrome and are sending her blood out for tests. I look at him, as calm as can be and say, "I wondered" Wow!! Where did that come from! He excuses himself and I grabbed my phone and called my mom!!! I was calm until I had to tell her... I tell her a loose it! I cried and sob, "Mom I never thought God would think I could handle a child with a disability!" See, when I was growing up, we had two ladies in my church who had down syndrome and then my cousin has CP (Cerebral Palsy) and it was a common conversation for my mom and I to have that, "Mom what if I have a child with a disability? Will I be able to handle it?" And my mom always comforted me and stated the same thing every time, "Honey God only gives us what he knows we can handle" And on this very fateful day, I didn't want God to think I could handle a child with Down Syndrome! I wanted a typical child! The one that I was supposed to get!! That I had been planning on for 9 very long months!! And my mom, being the wise and very supportive mom she is stated, "Honey, he doesn't make mistakes. It will be ok." As she talked through tears, I just wanted to get off the phone. I wanted my husband. He was my next call. I let him know he needed to get back to the hospital. I am not sure if I told him on the phone or not.
I know that day there were a lot of tears, but I am going to be honest, I don't remember much about it. I remember I called my school and let them know that she had arrived and that she had Down Syndrome. I think I called my sister as well. But mainly I clung to Jenessa. We found out she had some jaundice and had to be under the lights and I am going to be honest, I am not sure how she every over came that because any time I could I was holding on to her!! She was my savior that day!! She pulled me through!! I also have an amazing husband that held me up and helped me through as well.
We officially found out the next day, via her FISH test that she did have Down Syndrome. The most common form of Down Syndrome and no it is not an inherited thing. We got a great education and talked with a very nice Geneticist, whom if we realized how much we were being charged for her to be there would have asked WAY more questions!! :) After she left, I turned to Josh and I said, "What does this all mean for us?" And my wonderful, supportive and amazing husband stated, "This means we get to have our daughter at home with us longer than most parents!" And that was the best thing he could have said!! It was just what I needed to hear! I had been hearing all these things about delays and slow cognitive development and on and on and on... And here he comes with we get to keep her longer!! Such an amazing response!
Josh and I continued that day to hold each other up and we were so grateful to those who came and visited and gave us a distraction from the diagnosis! We had great family and friends who wanted to come and help us celebrate the birth of our beautiful child and I always tried to keep that in mind.
I was so excited when 2 days after Jenessa's birth, we were allowed to go home! We got to go home and be a family... not the easiest of transitions, but we did it! And all I wanted to do again was hold my little girl!! :)
Oh yeah and on a side note... I found out years later that after making that call to my mom, my mom called my sister and told her about our conversation and my mom told my sister, "I didn't think God would think she could handle it either!" LOL I love the true honesty of my family! We all know that I am not perfect, but God gave me the best gift ever and he knew that I couldn't necessarily handle it, but that I needed her!! The day Jenessa was born was the day that truly made me into a much MUCH better person!!
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