Sunshine

Isn't it amazing how we can look at what we have been through and realize how much our lives have changed! I get that hindsight it 20/20, but I am still amazed by everything my little family has been through and where we are now!
Ok, so I titled this Sunshine because I was sitting giving Clarissa a bottle thinking about how this past year has changed my life and perspective. Until I had Clarissa I didn't realize how deeply saddened I was by the fact that Jenessa had Down Syndrome. I loved her with all my heart and wanted everything to be perfect for her, but I was just sad. I guess some might say I was depressed, I don't like to think of it that way because I feel that makes it seem that having Jenessa is a negative thing and trust me she brought a lot of happy and wonderful days my way! But, I was sad that she was not going to be able to have a "typical" life. I was even angry that she is going to have to work even harder than other kids.
However, we then had Clarissa and it was like a light came on inside of me. I was scared about how Jenessa and Clarissa would interact. And my oldest daughter inspired me! She embraced her little sister as I would expect any big sister would, except she was so loving!
She is now not quite as loving, but now Clarissa follows her around like she is her hero! Clarissa watches her play and gets in her way! It is so much fun to watch the two of them! Jenessa is still loving towards her sister, but she gets irritated with her as well, as any other sister would.

These are my two little angels. They are both the light of my world! I am so grateful to the birth of Clarissa because she helped me find the sunshine again. I am also grateful for her and Jenessa showing me and leading me down this wonderful path of motherhood. It is not always easy, but these two have literally shown me what true happiness is all about! I have come to accept and embrace the life Jenessa has ahead of her. She may have to work harder for what she gets, but she will be a stronger person for it. I know that being her mom and standing on the sidelines won't always be easy, but I also know that Clarissa will be there by her side watching and learning how to be strong from her big sister! I don't think that there could be a greater gift than that!
  I truely believe that God gave us Jenessa as our first child to show us how strong we really are and to help us truely enjoy every blessing that she brings. I also feel that we stop and enjoy the little things with Clarissa more. I am excited each time a sharp little tooth comes poking through, even though it might mean a shorter night of sleep! Josh and I are truely blessed to have such wonderful girls! Jenessa is a our strong, independent one and Clarissa is our little spit fire, with a set of lungs to match!! HAHAHA!
So with that being said, " They are my sunshines, my little sunshines! They make me happy, when skies are gray! They'll never know dear how much I love them! Please don't take my sunshines away!!" (Both of my girls favorite song to be sung!)